24 January 2010
2010 is a total disaster for me!
Things are repeating its history again!
Sometimes, i would rather be alone!
Im not the previous Emily all of you used to know anymore. I know my attitude sucks, so what!? It's all because of you(s), i've changed to be like that. You are the one creating all the nonsensical problems/troubles making me feel so hurt, upset and angry. I remembered doing nothing to make you be like this to me, it all started out randomly one day and also out of your curiosity. Cant you directly just come and ask me by yourself personally instead of going around asking or plead others to text me!? I seriously dont like it when you keep doing this continuously to me, and im definitely sure that you wont like it too if i do that to you! Tolerating, forgiving and forgetting those stuffs in my heart, are fully packed and has exceeded already. Giving you chances again and again but still, no change at all! At first, i thought you really did change when you texted those messages and talked to me face to face about those situations. However, it makes me think thrice again now! Was it really say out from your heart sincerely or simply just a 'consolation'? It keep on repeating in my mind, but i guess it really is then. Those words or rather craps are simply just bullshit! It's just a saying whereby nothing changes at all! There's always a phrase 'actions speaks louder than words' and now i finally understood what it meant. Thanks uh! Im really grateful to you for making me be like this. Because of you, i've learn how to be good or bad to people, how evil a person can be etc. Thanks for all the misunderstandings, quarrels, arguments etc. It's a meaningful lessons to me! Through these, i've learn how to be brave and more independent without anyone's help, care or concern anymore! Thanks to you, i dare not trust anymore even those who are close to me. I learnt that those close to me, are actually those who are treating and hurting me badly! you're really such a great friend! & i really mean it straight from my heart! Thanks for these past few years, when you stood by my side, betrayed me, used me, ordered me, bad-mouthing me, care and concern for me etc. I will keep on these in my heart and learn from it. Remembering the words you told me, were totally an insult. One day, before you even realised it, i will be standing higher than you and saying a word 'BYE'!
'Dont cry over friendship, because it will always get a better one, trust me'
'Dont worry too much; it aint gonna happen'
-I've finally understood why you said it, thankyous!
Trying to help? I think you're just trying to make things difficult for me! From all your words and actions, you have already tell me that im invisible to you(s)!
Think before saying me that im at fault, if it wasnt the things that are happening caused by some people, i wont be in this way too!
The time at changi airport, i cried and shouted at you, were exactly the same like how i felt now or maybe even worser. But i guessed, you have already forgotten about it. I cared and concerned about you so much, but yet what i have in return is tears!
Years after years of bondings are simply nothing to all of you! I shall learn from you people uh!
Let's leave it as it is now then! I know who are my true friends already!
P.S not saying about anyone, but just how i feel. So please do not assume it yourself!(:
2:19 PM
